Faith means everything to me. Holy obligation to Immaculate Conception is one of many foundations for that. God often has odd ways of showing us HIS plan. It's taken years of practice to allow myself to STOP and LISTEN. That's something in this world we can all use practice in. We keep going through the motions. We live the way we believe we should and do what is expected of us to be responsible.
But, how frequently do we STOP and LISTEN? I'm not purely talking about meditation, or rosary. I'm talking about the inner relationship with God and the Holy Spirit and Jesus' sacrifice for us in the whole of the Trinity. I mean that as much as I owe Jesus who suffered for my sins, I revere the Immaculate conception because I have been dedicated to Blessed Mother Mary as was my grandmother, my mother, and as I dedicated my daughter, whose name translates to little Mary, Mary.
Integrity means doing the right thing even when no one else is looking.
The above meme was recently posted by a priest I had befriended while he was in a hiatus from Seminary and we spent time in formation at the same Religious Ed program I'd known my entire life, until recently. When you have such deep roots and you uproot, it sometimes brings things to light that you let yourself ignore in the fight for survival.
And, when you rise above with your own integrity and you see the hypocrisy and meanness for what it is and not something that you should allow to define you as a victim, or take hold of you, suddenly a whole lot more makes sense.
My spiritual home failed to still be home to me when they were nasty to my daughter. Don't get me wrong as I wish to not be a hypocrite and I would never in a million years claim to be without my own faults. I was raised better than that by my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents who all made that Church home to me and made me feel it was the best place to raise my beautiful girl.
But, the bad apple analogy hits home when you see it happen time and time again.
And , then you see a person who lives as a bully be placed in power with other negative people in power and influence somewhere you worked hard to do good things with for good people seem futile, turning sour in the process even some people you had tremendous respect for. And, the word stops, turns upside down and sideways and you realize in reinventing yourself that you never needed that type of negative energy in your life to begin with. So, you uproot...
And, yes, in the grass is always greener world, I know my last 2 attempts to uproot were disasters, but both prior attempts were a case of running away and both brought me beautiful things. My 2001/2002 uproot resulted in my miracle child.
The 2006 uproot I think is now resonating with me closer, because I thought I was listening, but I wasn't quite able to yet. I had a lot I needed to overcome to make me whole when I thought the best answer at that time was to remove myself from this world. And, I had some angels here who pulled me back to get back on course, as blind as I was to the fact that besides all the work I had in front of me psychologically, I was at that point still just going through the motions. I Heard what that priest said in the confessional in Michigan and I figured my best answer was going through intensive therapy and analysis while shutting down every ounce of self to go from one form of "robot" to another. The problem was, I missed the message in the silence because I didn't really Listen.
"God keeps setting you up for greatness and sainthood and wants to use you for wonderful things, why is it you feel the need to keep running off the field?"
Maybe now I have realized, I needed a new home field advantage. Because so much has happened that has now made clear who my real cheerleaders are, and who was just playing the part. The Hypocrites and negative influences have shown their true colors again and again.
So now, I walk into a new chapter after first feeling judged again in the new environment to finding a place that fully, genuinely welcomes me and those I love to be our full selves in faith. I know who I genuinely am. Those who are drawn to me and have gone out of their way to be part of that are my true blues. And, finally, this is the new positive spotlight I am walking into to live my best life with my loved ones.
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